His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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