I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
