that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So apparently I’m into choking now
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