2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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