He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
