That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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