meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
