And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
