True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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