I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize