the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
