I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
