don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
