official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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