he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
