I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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