She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
