It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
