dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
