Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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