im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
