i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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