Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
