I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
