haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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