he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What a dumb baby whore.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
