im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
