Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
