I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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