We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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