plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
