I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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