We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
