It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
