I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
