i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
