You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
