Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
