Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize