He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
