she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
