Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
