shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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