there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
