Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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