For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
