Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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