cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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