"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
