I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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