I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
