i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
