im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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