My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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