jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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