My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
