I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
