The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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