so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
