Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize