And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
