Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
