Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
