can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
