I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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