If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
