dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
