There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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