i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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