worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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