our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
