I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
