Farmville is her only friend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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