Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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