Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
