why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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