got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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