Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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