Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Barsexuality is the new black.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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