thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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