I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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