Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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