I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
