I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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