So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
