Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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