i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dick has a subreddit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
