come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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