sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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