I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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