Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
