I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
