Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize