walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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