So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
