I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
