I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
